Don’t wait

I got a text this morning that my Grandfather died. To be honest, I wasn’t really sure how to process it. I’m not an outwardly emotional person but this weighed on me, for many reasons.

I only found out within the last couple of months that he had been sick. So sick that they’d put him in hospice care; that dreadful word that everyone knows means you’re on your death bed. My dad or his wife had texted me (they share a phone) as they do almost daily to tell me how the weather is in their part of the state, but this time it told me that he had gotten out of hospice and was doing better. I was taken aback. I hadn’t known that he was sick. I know he is in his 80s, but still had no idea that death had stopped by to loiter. Besides being shocked at this news, I was angry. Angry at my dad for not passing on the news to me earlier. We hadn’t had much of a relationship since he left when I was a teen, but I kind of figured he would have said something, and angry at myself for never checking in as often as I should. It usually was my grandmother calling me, seeing how I was doing and telling me how much she missed me, and me saying how much we want to visit, which is always true.

These moments, although have luckily been rare in my life, fill me up with regret. Regret at waiting for that moment to travel to see them. Regret at not staying in contact. Regret at having my pride get in the way, waiting for them to call me.

Logic can’t always win at these things either. The husband has more reason and tells me to go see them. As my regret hits, my logic fights with me and says it’s too expensive. We have car repairs and new tires coming up. Something is messing with the cruise control in the other car, yada yada. But the husband reminds me that money cannot substitute for seeing family. That I’ll regret not getting out there. As unfortunate as a funeral is, it’s sometimes the only way we see family.

I don’t want to look back at this and add to my regrets. Time to plan a flight.

Encouragement & a Hedgehog

This last week or so has been trying. It seems like everyone has been on edge and people have had a problem with just about everything I did at work. Well last week, I said Enough! And I still believe that now. The week ended badly but the weekend was good and I intend for this week to go well too. Besides getting outside in the beautiful Texas weather, we got the house cleaned up, I sold a couple of items hanging around the house, we worked out, tried a new restaurant, and I applied for a job, and am 90% done with another application (I forgot how time consuming they were). It’s going to be a short week in the office (which is always a good thing), and then we fly out to see some friends in Phoenix!

But until then, I have to go to work, be productive, deal with some nasty attitudes, and work on the final stages of my guard training. Fortunately, no more tests, I’ve passed them all, but now I have writing to do. Not fun writing, like, If You Could Be Any Animal in the World, What Would You Be? (An Eagle or a Hawk), but more like, Write your Biography and Talk about Yourself. Ugh.

But I can make it through this week. I won’t let negative people affect me with their cancerous attitudes and I’ll press on with this writing so I have the free time while I’m on vacation. For some encouragement, I found this great picture.

Enjoy!

This-Hedgehog-Is-Cheering-For-You-Because-You-Can-Do-Anything-Thank-Bear-Graphic

Push through

I hate constant complainers. People who just want to complain about anything to be heard. I deal with that a lot where I work, and I hope I’m not becoming one and I’m sorry to even write this down. But holy crap, I’m about done with it. I’ve been trying to do a simple, and what should be fun, job of coordinating a holiday party for work. Somehow, it’s turned into a big mess, with people complaining about everything, and no communication going between the few that were supposed to be helping me. I think this is why I like to do this kind of stuff on my own. I thought maybe if I enlisted some help on this, it’d make things run more smoothly. Not at all. I am supposed to be the main go-to for coordination, and yet at least twice I’ve gotten information way later than anyone else, with the follow up of, “I thought you already knew that” or “I thought someone already talked to you about that”. Those sentences will drive me up the wall faster than any. I’d rather hear something twice, than someone assume I’ve already heard it. You know what assuming does right? It makes an ass….out of yourself. (Check out the movie Slammin’ Salmon if you liked that).

loyal person quotes sayings

This drama all happened yesterday afternoon, so after I left work, I drove to my husband’s work and we had coffee and talked and I was ever so grateful for him letting me talk and complain his ear off. Then I went home and got in a good run to get the good vibes flowing. Then complained a little more to my roommate. Now it’s time to push through it, find the good that can come out of it, and let it go. Like I said, I really don’t like constant complainers (especially if you have no solution and you just feel like voicing your annoying opinion), but today I felt like writing it down. It’s the final piece of me letting this all go.

As far as the good coming out of it, this has motivated me to revamp my resume, and start the look for a position elsewhere. It reminded me that you don’t have to settle in your job if you don’t like it, especially if you’re relatively young. I don’t want my job to become my life, but it certainly doesn’t mean I have to stay somewhere with people who have lost all motivation to try hard, succeed or innovate. Where I’m at now is at a small office with people who have given up on life and have settled into their job, knowing they won’t lose it, even if they do sub par work everyday. It’s not an environment of care, or innovation or excitement, or even happiness. People seem to be miserable, and I think they take their misery out on anyone who has a smile on their face.

So for now, my irritations are sliding off my back, and I’m using this as motivation for improvement and something better.

It’s a new year. Time to make it the best yet.

push through

Life break please?

Life seems to hurry up in waves. For a while, things are just going. And that’s fine. Nothing spectacular going on, no changes, just the day in and day out. Those days can be rather pleasant because I have nothing to worry about. I just do my job and go home and relax, or even start planning a vacation or small trip. I like it. What I don’t like are these giant waves of busyness and change. I had an interview for a job yesterday. Yes, it went well, thank you for asking. Interviews exhaust me. Whenever I have an interview or test, I mentally exhaust myself into a nap.collapse into couch

Still haven’t decided if I’d take the job if offered. That in itself is enough stress on my plate. I also have to take a test on Sunday for the guard, for continuing studies. More stress to add. Then once this test is done I have to get back to studying hard for the CISSP exam as well. More stress. I don’t like it. I start to feel like I’m back in college, except without the part time job and you know…free time.

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Some people thrive on being busy and having deadlines and overloading themselves on stuff to do. I think I used to be like that but realized it was doing nothing for me except causing break outs and small break downs. It wasn’t worth it. I can handle a busy workload at work – that’s fine. But compile it with a bunch of other things outside of work and this gal starts to stress and wear down. All I want to do is sleep.  bunny

Here’s hoping that this phase of busyness ends soon. I just need to knock out these tests and then sleep can come. We’re planning a road trip in November, which I am very excited for and am using as motivation to get this work done. We bought a new camera and I’m looking forward to using it on more than my dogs and my backyard.

Enjoy your Thursday everyone. The weekend is upon us!