Working on patience

We would like to move. We’ve been working on moving for a while now. On many occasions I’ve gotten impatient with the progress. I’ve started to focus so much on waiting for news, looking for a place to live, cleaning the house, getting it ready to list….that I’ve forgotten about everything else in life.

As important as it is to have the house looking nice for pictures, I don’t want to look back after we’ve moved (and I know it’ll eventually happen), thinking only about how much time I spent cleaning, not on any of the things we loved about Austin.

We recently made a list of a handful of restaurants we want to hit up one more time before we leave. So far we’ve hit none of them. This week and going forward, we’ll be refocusing our efforts on enjoying our time where we are before it’s gone. I’ve been in those moments of regret, looking back, thinking about how focused I was on the future, forgetting about my present. There will be plenty of time to wrap myself in those moments later.

Less dreaming and focusing on the future, and what may be, and more focusing on the here and now, while I’m still right here.

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Finish

I’ve been working on a few projects and assignments for a while. For me, if I don’t get them done within a relative time frame of when I thought I’d finish them, I start to get anxious. My mind keeps these projects in the back of my head at all times. And the only way to get rid of all of this heaviness? Finishing them.

I plan on going full force this week, even though I have very little energy, and complete this house painting project. We were gone for a week, were out of town this past weekend, and have been just plain old busy. I plan on dedicating my time to finishing this painting project, because although I have other things I want to do, I have a hard time concentrating on them with these other open projects constantly looming over me.

Tonight, we focus and finish what we’ve started!!

FINISH WHAT YOU STARTED

Patience

Patience is a virtue. Everyone knows this. Practicing patience can be harder with some things than others. Waiting at line at the grocery store? I got this. Waiting at the doctor’s office? No biggie. I bring my book everywhere I go. Waiting for my house to be prepped for paint so I can paint it? This is killing me!!

I thought our paint prep people would be out Tuesday, as originally planned and I’d take off Wednesday and start painting. Not so fast. Tuesday is carpentry, where they replace any rotted boards and fill in any holes. Wednesday is pressure wash day. Then we wait the rest of the day for it to dry. Then Thursday is caulking and any other rest of the prep day. Then I can paint. In the words of all Scandinavians: Uffda. That’s a lot more time to prep than I thought. I was getting so excited to paint the house until I found out it would take most of the week to get it prepped.

For me, I am pretty good with patience if it has to do with something like waiting in line. I know there are people ahead of me and all I can do is wait. But when I have these plans in my head, of how long it takes to get something done before I get to work on a project I’ve been planning on for weeks, and then the plans slightly change, it freaks me out. I get antsy and irritable. I have to call on patience to calm me down and remind myself that there’s nothing I can do about it and the house will still get painted, and really, what’s a week? I’ve been waiting to paint the house for months. Well, really, we’ve wanted to paint the house since we’ve owned it so we’ve been waiting to paint the house for a year and a half.

Once I get perspective on things, it’s a little easier to deal with. I’m able to take a breath, and realize that the painting will still get done, and anything rushed is usually regretted down the road. Plus, I still need to get rollers, and probably another good quality brush, and of course….the paint. I need to re-measure to get a good idea of how many gallons of paint I’ll need.

So perspective. Much needed. And thanks for listening to the thoughts in my brain. Typing this out helps me gain perspective. Does writing/typing your worries or thoughts help you gain perspective?

We also took a hike out at Pace Bend Park on Sunday. Getting away from the hustle of the city calms me down too. I feel more relaxed and focused – again, it’s all about perspective. Hopefully soon, I’ll get some pictures posted our hike. It was hot, but felt good to sweat. Have a great Monday everyone.

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The struggle is your story

struggle

My memory stinks most of the time. I need a lot of reminders. I have a paper calendar organizer (remember those?) and I also use google calendar for everything.

I also need reminders about life.

Life can bring you down if you’re not in the right mindset. For the last eight months or so, I dealt with a lot of anxiety, anger and depression. I’d been away from home for training for six months and dealt with a lot of pressure. And as much as I’d like to think of myself as being strong, I fell weak to anxiety and the pressures involved in constantly having to perform well or face the possibility of failing and being in training longer, never mind having to tell people you failed something. The onslaught of pressure turned my anxiety up and depression kicked in. I started questioning myself; who I was, what I was doing there, was I smart enough or strong enough to handle all of this? It was tough. I had some really bad times when I came back. I had a hard time caring about anything. I had to get myself out of it.
And I have been. Little by little. There were ups and downs. But I learned to let positivity enter my life and push negativity out. I learned to not let negative people, news, attitudes, all of that, affect me the way it used to. One bad encounter could ruin me for the whole day.

“The struggle is part of the story” – Unknown

I’m still working on it daily, but I’ve learned to take every day at a time, reminding myself to appreciate the things I can do even though it’s not perfect,and be patient about everything. Sometimes I focus on wanting something so badly (a different job, a vacation, a different car), that I start to hate and under appreciate what I have and who I am. I can’t let that happen. Where I am now, is where I am supposed to be, and if changes are to come, I’ll let them come, in due time.

I’m learning to reflect on my experiences, exist in the present while enjoying all the things I have, and look forward to the future. Why be anxious about the future when I don’t know what it holds?

Inspirational Monday

Sorry folks, I’ve been away for quite a while. Longer than usual. I was doing some training in San Antonio and had no decent internet for four days. No internet and boring TV meant that I did get a lot of reading done so that’s always a positive. I finished Robert Louis Stevenson’s Treasure Island and started C.S. Lewis’s Screwtape Letters.

Treasure Island was a great adventure book, quite different than some of the movie remakes (especially my favorite Muppets Treasure Island), mostly because young Jim Hawkins kills people in the book. I don’t think that would translate into a kid’s G/PG movie. But I digress. It was a good book overall but it could be a little confusing at times. The book was published in 1883 by a Scottish man, who enjoyed adding pirate and sailing/boat lingo so I admit I was lost a few times. But overall I enjoyed the classic.

C.S. Lewis’s Screwtape letters is definitely quite different from Treasure Island. It’s about Screwtape, an “old” experienced demon, trying to give advice via correspondence to his young and growing nephew demon, Wormwood, who is trying to ruin a young man on earth. So far it’s been entertaining and enlightening.

I’ve also been trying to get the office finished up. I finished putting a polyurethane coat on the refinished desk and painted the walls white, keeping a gray accent wall. I’ll post pics once it’s complete.

In the mean time, here are some words to help you on this Monday. I know I need it…

joyful