Crossroads

When life starts pulling you apart, what do you do? Until today, we were at a crossroads. Both of us had job offers come our way. Sounds great at first, but the jobs are not in the same place. One is out of state. The out of state job would have been much more of a challenge up front because moving takes a lot of time, effort and money, but it would have brought us closer to our family and friends, and most likely would have lent to a less chaotic life a large city provides. The other offer would keep us here where we are, and give a good pay boost (not as good as the other one), but would help out, and possibly help enough so that we can at least fly home every once in a while instead of driving 19+ hours. Continue reading “Crossroads”

Happy

I think some people are better at being happy on a regular basis than others. Some people have to work harder at feeling good, especially if something doesn’t go as planned. I’m one of those people. I’m not smiley by default and I don’t always go the optimism route when something goes wrong, but this is something I’ve been trying to work on, and I got the opportunity to test it out when I recently found out I didn’t get the job that I thought I was a shoe-in for.

One of the things  I’ve been trying to do more of lately is to stop and think before I react to something that’s just happened. In this case, I surveyed the outcome of not getting this job. On the down side, it would have been a huge bump in pay (around a 25% hike). It was also a few miles closer to the house and I knew who my new boss would be. I heard from him and another co-worker of his, that the employees are friendly and easy going, which I learned first-hand from the board who interviewed me. The interview had gone great and conversation flowed well. These thoughts definitely made me sad and a bit depressed that I didn’t get the job.

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But looking at the not-so-bad parts about not getting the job outweighed the bad. I still had all my vacation. I hate starting a new job and having zero vacation to use for months. I like my free time! We are planning on taking a week-long trip in November and possibly a trip to MN in December. This would have been hampered, if not stopped, if I had gotten the offer and couldn’t choose my start date. Even though the job was technically a few miles closer to my house, I would have to take smaller side streets to get to it, and it would have negated travel time. Yeah, a bump in pay is always nice (especially 25%), BUT we are doing fine as we are now, and money isn’t a top priority on my list when looking for jobs. I certainly wouldn’t take a pay cut, but it’s not the end-all factor when I look for a job.

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So when I weigh out these factors, it stops me from running to my bed and crying into my pillow. There are so many more things to worry about than my next job. Maybe there’s a reason I am staying where I am. I can’t see the future and I can’t see how everything is tangled together so for now, I’m going to sit back, go to work, and work on all the other things I have going on in my life. I’ve been blessed with a lot of positives in my life and a lot of good opportunities that some have not had, so I want to focus on these, because these are what I have. Focusing on what you do not have can only lead to misery and heart break.

Life break please?

Life seems to hurry up in waves. For a while, things are just going. And that’s fine. Nothing spectacular going on, no changes, just the day in and day out. Those days can be rather pleasant because I have nothing to worry about. I just do my job and go home and relax, or even start planning a vacation or small trip. I like it. What I don’t like are these giant waves of busyness and change. I had an interview for a job yesterday. Yes, it went well, thank you for asking. Interviews exhaust me. Whenever I have an interview or test, I mentally exhaust myself into a nap.collapse into couch

Still haven’t decided if I’d take the job if offered. That in itself is enough stress on my plate. I also have to take a test on Sunday for the guard, for continuing studies. More stress to add. Then once this test is done I have to get back to studying hard for the CISSP exam as well. More stress. I don’t like it. I start to feel like I’m back in college, except without the part time job and you know…free time.

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Some people thrive on being busy and having deadlines and overloading themselves on stuff to do. I think I used to be like that but realized it was doing nothing for me except causing break outs and small break downs. It wasn’t worth it. I can handle a busy workload at work – that’s fine. But compile it with a bunch of other things outside of work and this gal starts to stress and wear down. All I want to do is sleep.  bunny

Here’s hoping that this phase of busyness ends soon. I just need to knock out these tests and then sleep can come. We’re planning a road trip in November, which I am very excited for and am using as motivation to get this work done. We bought a new camera and I’m looking forward to using it on more than my dogs and my backyard.

Enjoy your Thursday everyone. The weekend is upon us!

Stop. And really think.

I’ve never thought of myself as a people-pleaser, but the more I think about it, I kinda am. I’ve been trying to think about what I want to go back to school for, if any, but sometimes I feel like I don’t know if I’m thinking thoughts for myself or for others. Work and the guard tells me I should get an IT degree. I really like numbers, number crunching, spreadsheets, and real, material things I can see. I like to analyze things, see what’s happening, look at trends. The kind of IT that people want me to get into involves routing, switching, codes…things I can’t see.  It’s something I could probably learn and be fine with, but I don’t know if IT is for me. I’ve learned a bit about it for the guard, but I don’t know if I want to make it a full-time gig, but just about everyone else tells me it’s what I should do. The influences around me are hard and heavy. They start to feel like my own thoughts, coursing through my brain, convincing me that they’re my own. I become conflicted, thinking maybe I should go get some IT degree, but then I think, is that really what you want, or is that what people want you to do? What do you actually want to do Michelle? Where do you want to work? What kind of environment? These are the questions I’ve been asking myself. The reason I even got into the IT field at all was because of the guard, but I don’t know if I plan on staying in for much more than the next 3-5 years. Then what? Do I still want to be doing IT stuff or doing something else?

This is when I have to stop. And really think. Really think for myself and what I want, not what other influences are telling me. I don’t want my job or career to be an obsession or anything I get to attached or emotional about because careers won’t make you happy, but I do want to make sure that whatever I do fall into, it was my choice and it’s something I’ll be content with later.

So I’m leaving my thoughts with me to shuffle and organize and stamp my own.

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