The struggle is your story

struggle

My memory stinks most of the time. I need a lot of reminders. I have a paper calendar organizer (remember those?) and I also use google calendar for everything.

I also need reminders about life.

Life can bring you down if you’re not in the right mindset. For the last eight months or so, I dealt with a lot of anxiety, anger and depression. I’d been away from home for training for six months and dealt with a lot of pressure. And as much as I’d like to think of myself as being strong, I fell weak to anxiety and the pressures involved in constantly having to perform well or face the possibility of failing and being in training longer, never mind having to tell people you failed something. The onslaught of pressure turned my anxiety up and depression kicked in. I started questioning myself; who I was, what I was doing there, was I smart enough or strong enough to handle all of this? It was tough. I had some really bad times when I came back. I had a hard time caring about anything. I had to get myself out of it.
And I have been. Little by little. There were ups and downs. But I learned to let positivity enter my life and push negativity out. I learned to not let negative people, news, attitudes, all of that, affect me the way it used to. One bad encounter could ruin me for the whole day.

“The struggle is part of the story” – Unknown

I’m still working on it daily, but I’ve learned to take every day at a time, reminding myself to appreciate the things I can do even though it’s not perfect,and be patient about everything. Sometimes I focus on wanting something so badly (a different job, a vacation, a different car), that I start to hate and under appreciate what I have and who I am. I can’t let that happen. Where I am now, is where I am supposed to be, and if changes are to come, I’ll let them come, in due time.

I’m learning to reflect on my experiences, exist in the present while enjoying all the things I have, and look forward to the future. Why be anxious about the future when I don’t know what it holds?

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2 comments

  1. I love this and I can deeply relate to the daily struggle… I have found that focusing on an “attitude of gratitude” really helps with my anxiety and with being actively present 🙂 ❤

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