I’ve never thought of myself as a people-pleaser, but the more I think about it, I kinda am. I’ve been trying to think about what I want to go back to school for, if any, but sometimes I feel like I don’t know if I’m thinking thoughts for myself or for others. Work and the guard tells me I should get an IT degree. I really like numbers, number crunching, spreadsheets, and real, material things I can see. I like to analyze things, see what’s happening, look at trends. The kind of IT that people want me to get into involves routing, switching, codes…things I can’t see. It’s something I could probably learn and be fine with, but I don’t know if IT is for me. I’ve learned a bit about it for the guard, but I don’t know if I want to make it a full-time gig, but just about everyone else tells me it’s what I should do. The influences around me are hard and heavy. They start to feel like my own thoughts, coursing through my brain, convincing me that they’re my own. I become conflicted, thinking maybe I should go get some IT degree, but then I think, is that really what you want, or is that what people want you to do? What do you actually want to do Michelle? Where do you want to work? What kind of environment? These are the questions I’ve been asking myself. The reason I even got into the IT field at all was because of the guard, but I don’t know if I plan on staying in for much more than the next 3-5 years. Then what? Do I still want to be doing IT stuff or doing something else?
This is when I have to stop. And really think. Really think for myself and what I want, not what other influences are telling me. I don’t want my job or career to be an obsession or anything I get to attached or emotional about because careers won’t make you happy, but I do want to make sure that whatever I do fall into, it was my choice and it’s something I’ll be content with later.
So I’m leaving my thoughts with me to shuffle and organize and stamp my own.