I am nearing month three in tech school. When I first got here, I wanted to try to make the best of it. I had to be here and there was nothing I could do about that so what else is there to do than make the best of it? I volunteered for the humane society and went to the beach a couple times. I checked out a couple restaurants and visited the neighboring city, Ocean Springs for a couple of beer runs. I tried to keep myself busy when I wasn’t studying, although my studying was definitely starting to increase by the end of month one.
The longer I’m here though, the more and more I long to be home. The most Dylan and I have ever been apart at one time before this was around four months, when he was deployed. That was very hard on us. And once again, here we are, apart for months. I guess at least with this separation, we are able to see each other here and there since I’m only nine hours away, but it still sucks. We have these amazing weekends together, but they are so bittersweet. I love so much spending time with him when I can, but when we have to part? It’s literally painful. The pain of us having to part every time gets worse and worse.
Our lives are on hold while I go through this military training. I’ve been able to go home a couple times, which has been wonderful every time. Just this last weekend, we tried a new restaurant and went out for evening coffee along the river. But again, this is such a short visit and it turns bittersweet quickly. I find myself falling into a depression and becoming moody and anxious quickly. I’m really trying hard not to fall into this. I still need to focus on school. Especially now since this is the hardest part of the training course. Just 70-some more days and then I’m done…for now. I know there’s more later but I only want to focus on this part for now.
I’m praying that Dylan will find peace while I am gone. It’s been really hard for him as well as myself, for me being away. I feel for him so much, and I wish I could move time faster, so that he didn’t have to feel so much pain and longing. At the same time, this separation has made us remember how much we mean to each other. We came to the realization that we’ve taken each other for granted and being away has helped us remember not to do that. I appreciate the fact that I mean so much to him that when I’m gone, he’s sad and misses me (I never actually want him to feel sad and lonely, but it’s good knowing that I’m needed). We’ve really delved into our relationship and discovered so much about each other. And for that, I’m grateful. I feel like we’ve gone deeper into our relationship than we ever have. We’ve dug deep, asked and answered tough questions, laughed, and cried together. It almost feels like it’s been a renewal. The unfortunate part is that I’m still away and I want to be home with Dylan, talking, discovering, learning, and loving him more and more. So for now, I’ll have to do it from here, over the phone.
But – another amazing thing about Dylan? His selflessness. He has come out to visit me, just because he knows that I’m feeling lonely. That’s a nine hour drive…just to see me for a night. Sometimes I can’t even wrap my head around that. He amazes me.
So even though this situation is far from good, I’m trying to focus on the good that can come out of it. Otherwise, when do you learn? When do you become wise if not during challenging times?